Vinnie Paul Says "HELLYEAH"

Vinnie Paul was the drummer in Pantera. This means he’s 1) From Texas 2) A Shithead 3) Loves Booze. Since his brother Dimebag Darrell was shot down on stage, Vinnie has been playing in a “supergroup” called HELLYEAH. What could be more “super” than a band with the drummer of Pantera, two dudes from Mudvayne and a guy from Nothingface.  Tough call for worst super group between HELLYEAH and .

I can only assume he decided to call his new band HELLYEAH so he can use his band name to answer serious questions he gets asked on the regular:

Hey Vinnie, you want a shitty step in your beard?

HELLYEAH

Hey Vinnie, are you into hanging with dudes who have shitty long pube beards?

HELLYEAH

Hey Vinnie, is this alcoholism helping to cover up the hurtful loss of your brother Dimebag?

HELLYEAH

The narrative of this video is a simple one. Vinnie is going to the liquor store with his buds to buy $1,000 worth of Jagermeister. With cash. Of course this wouldn’t be a good-ol boy type video if they didn’t do something kind of racist. On the way out two black guys heading in to shop come up to the spectacle of Vinnie Paul loading a fuck-ton of Jager into his SUV (wouldn’t you?). Vinnie grabs a mic out of the back and says “you guys rap?” Vinnie then proceeds to lay down a horrible rap of his own. I can only assume Jagermeister passed on HELLYEAH being an official Jager band. If only because they have no problem buying the shit out of it.  

Liturgy Makes Black Metal Feel Like School

There are a lot of reasons people get into rock n roll: it’s young, it’s sexy, and it hates authority.  You know what is one of the greatest rock songs of all time? because FUCK SCHOOL! LET’S ROCK!

Leave it to a goofball named Hunter from Brooklyn to make one of the most extreme genres of music feel like an NYU lecture.

Black metal is an extreme form of metal that originated in Scandinavia in the 1980’s. (also a topic I will be writing a lot about because music docs on the genre are fucking awesome.)  It was lo-fi, extremely noisy, and obsessed with evil. Members of the movement burned down churches and murdered people. That’s pretty rock n roll if you ask me. Like any genre of music, at some point it will get totally distorted by some super-confident asshole thinking he knows how to make it better. Enter Liturgy.

If you’re like me, the first thing you thought as the video started was “why the fuck is that guy playing a guitar without a headstock?” Well after watching the rest of the video, I say let’s ease up on that guy, cuz who knows how we would respond if we were in a band with Hunter Hunt-Hendrix.  Anytime a band leader starts a sentence with “so I write a manifesto...” you know he’s about to say some dumb shit. And Hunter delivers. He goes into the need for positivity and romanticism in black metal music and uses phrases like “sub-stratum of chaos” & “invocation of transcendence and affirmation and ecstasy.” The only time you should be using language like that if you’re in a black metal band is when you’re trying to get off on charges of burning down churches and you want the jury to think you’re all smart and shit. Until you catch an arson rap, though, shut up and be evil!

The best thing about this video is how uncomfortable his bandmates are while he talks. You can tell they are all realizing “oh fuck, all that stupid shit we would ignore during band practice is now recorded for everyone to see. I’m in a band with this fuckwad. I only did this to seem like I was doing something with my life and travel around and be in a band. I wanted to go to Europe and Europeans love this dumb, evil shit.”

Posted on March 19, 2013 .

The Guy From Wet Cherri

I think The Decline of Western Civilization Part 2: The Metal Years is my all time favorite music documentary. Hands down. It has great interviews with Aerosmith and Ozzy Osbourne about how many drugs they did (“I must’ve snorted up Peru”- Steven Tyler), Alice Cooper and Lemmy about how they started the whole thing, but most importantly, it has interviews with delusional assholes.

Penelope Spheeris made three “Decline” documentary films. They’re out of print and hard to find. The first and last are about Los Angeles punk, first in the early 80s, then in the late 90s. In both there are funny and poignant moments, but The Decline Part 2: The Metal Years is where the hilarious delusions about the music business really get captured. Punk musicians and fans know it’s not a mainstream thing. You aren’t likely to make money at it. Metal, however, had reached pop music success and in the mid-80s on The Sunset Strip of LA everyone knew they would make it.  Spheeris does a great job at making these interview subjects feel very comfortable in revealing all their honest thoughts on the world.

This guy in the clip above is in the band Wet Cherri (it grosses me out typing that name as much as it surely does for you to read it).  He is POSITIVE his band is going to make it. There are no other options for him. His only applicable skills outside of music (and even then I’m sure his musical ability is just ripping off Rolling Stones riffs) seem to be applying eye-liner and duping women into paying for his lifestyle until he makes it big. Since none of us have heard of Wet Cherri (the band at least, I feel like there’s probably a porn series or lube company or french tickler brand with that name currently) this fellas dream never came true and I hope his death wish (“see ya pal!”) is where he’s currently at.

Posted on March 17, 2013 .